oh god i just realized that if i weren’t this hot my life would be kind of tragic. cut to last night with me eating ice cream out of an actual tub at 7am watching laverne cox interviews on youtube. cut to right now as i drink a smirnoff ice.
This is a serious question. Is drinking La Croix the same as drinking water? Can I stop drinking water? La Croix is sparkling water, so…?
Well, the results are in! I got it! For those of you who don’t know, for the past month I’ve been going through rigorous auditions for The Amazing Race and I just got the confirmation email telling me I’m set to be on Season 420! If we’re close at all, you know I’ve been trying out for The Race since the 13th grade and all of my friends have always said, “We’re not your friends!”, “Don’t get your hopes up! He’s not coming back.”, “You were in the bathroom awhile…”, but LOOK AT ME NOW, Vince Vaughn! It was a long, trying journey but SO worth it. You’ve all seen me bottom and—well, get ready world—because finally I’m going to be on top! Don’t go thinking that just because I’m going to be a pubic figure I’ll forget my roots. No matter where I go on my journey around the world, from NYC to Upstate NYC, I’ll always remember there’s no place like home♥ I wont forget you, first apartment: dumpster behind abandoned Winn Dixie. Or where I had my first kiss: Orlando International Airport men’s restroom (age 6). But seriously, bye forever losers! Don’t text me. I got a new phone.